journal

2025-04-13

i went to the netherlands, to hang out with a friend. my time there was wonderful and i enjoyed it very much. the trains are nice (although expensive), the view is beautiful (although flat), and the language has proven to be pretty easy to get used to.
listened to the eponymous La Máquina de Hacer Pájaros album, after listening to the band's Peliculas a few weeks ago. i think i like prog rock!
these past few weeks have been spent away from work, and i feel refreshed, though i wouldn't say i'm exactly ready to go back. nevertheless, time marches on, and tomorrow i go back to work.
i have some big life-changing stuff in the works! updates will be issued when i have anything final to say — i'm not making the canada mistake again :P

these past two weeks have been hard. canada's been officially given up on by work, and we're scrambling to find something else to do to get out of here.
i made a little narrative game that captures my thoughts and feelings right now pretty well. give it a go if you're okay with themes of suicidal ideation.
no other things to report.

San Francisco was fantastic. we met with so many friends and had such a good time. we finally felt alive for the first time in months... and we also felt how it is to die again when we got back to occupied palestine.
this month is tilde30.3! a communal thing on tilde town where everyone picks a project to do. my project is to continue my train photography endeavour.
i've started uploading rips of VCR parties over to the Internet Archive. it makes me feel like i'm doing something important, it's fun to do, and it's also fun to look back at all those streams. immense thanks to vilmibm for giving me access to their personal server for this.
in SF i went up a lot in weight, from 49.5kg to about 54.5kg. i'm happier than i've ever been with my body :>
i've decided to passively give up on canada and see if i can move somewhere else. of course, if the opportunity arises, i'll move there, but europe seems faster, and the most important thing for me right now is to move out. i can't stand the idea of having to go and see old friends.
finished reading Ra by qntm. fantastic book. i'm in love with qntm's style of writing, the unreliable narrator, and the fact that the characters are always as informed as i am. wonderful read from start to finish — i'm definitely getting a tattoo about it.
rail project: went to Bnei Brak, Hod HaSharon, Kfar Saba, Petach Tikva, Ra'anana, Rosh HaAyin, TLV Uni, and Herzliya stations. proud of myself.
i'm happy you replied.

this month is my month. it's been so good so far.
ashe has a new partner! a dollfriend :]
rail project: went to Ben Gurion Airport
we're in San Francisco again! this time i have an itinerary, so i'm not going to be dissociated for three months like last time. it's also a lot shorter of a trip, and we have friends to meet up with.
i went thrifting!! i have so many cool shirts now :>
i did weed :D weed's so awesome :] weed is great i love my friends and i have never felt so much like aoife in my life!!!
listened to Ghostholding by venturing. it's a good album! it's definitely what i would have thought a Jane Remover rock project would sound like. favourite songs: Recoil, Dead forever.
we also have a new headmate!

listened to for the rest of your life by twikipedia. it's... i have trouble putting into words how this album makes me feel. it's a fantastic album and i need more time to figure out what it means to me. favourite tracks: seams, figure me out.
canada has been delayed again, this time for a couple of months. i am looking into different avenues with which to escape this hellhole.
i'm going to go to san francisco again, soon. this time i won't be so dissociated.
it's getting lonely here. i'm scared of going outside and seeing familiar faces

listened to Move by Hadag Nahash. fantastic album, didn't expect it to be nearly as good as it was. fun, funky, and important. favourites: The Strawberry Machine, Bella Belisima, Gabbie & Debbie.
listened to Census Designated by Jane Remover. this is a great album, and i'm sad the shape of my trauma doesn't match it, otherwise this would be a 10/10. favourite tracks are Holding a Leech, Idling Somewhere, Fling.
the stuff going on in the usa has me stressed and unproductive. i feel guilty for not going through the same stuff and not helping, but also stupid for caring so much about something that doesn't affect my life.
i'm scared of not moving to canada. i'm going to have to have some uncomfortable discussions, and growth doesn't happen in three months.

listened to a lot of music! i'm happy.
listened to CHROMAKOPIA by Tyler, The Creator, late last year. fantastic album, made me feel connected to this person whose music i'm listening to for the first time in a way that not many albums do. favourites are Judge Judy and Hey Jane.
listened to Small Talk by Yehonatan Geffen and band late last year, as well. some of the songs are very good, but i don't think Geffen knows how to pad his albums out with anything but 4 minutes of dry talking about how he's going to fondle some woman's boobs. favourite songs: Bedouin Love Song, It'll Be Okay - Peace Song No. 349a.
listened to SCRAPYARD by Quadeca. wow, what a fantastic album. i'm writing this a couple of days after the first listen, because it took me a long while to fully let it simmer. i'm very excited to go give it a second, maybe a third listen soon, because the production is very good and i feel like i missed a whole lot of tiny details. favourites: GUIDE DOG, WAY TOO MANY FRIENDS.
joined tilde.townand set up a little homepage. if you're there, say hi! i've idled on IRC for about two weeks and already feel right at home. i managed to sneak a thing into last year's zine, which has been syndicated on this website, as well.
rail project: went to Tel Aviv — Savidor Central station, Karmiel station, Haifa — Bat Galim station.
canada news!
2024 was a good year, but 2025 is going to be even better.

today's my 20th birthday. 🎂 i would have liked to spend it somewhere else, but at least i'm spending time with folks i love.
i've been annoyingly sick for the past two weeks, and haven't had the time to start the rail project just yet. maybe in january!
after 3 weeks of radio silence, canada stuff is moving again. i found out about a Mount Eerie concert happening in vancouver in february, so i hope i can get there in time to cry live.

made this page, finally. i've been planning to start journaling in 2025, but i'm delaying my life enough as it is. hopefully this will be a place to see what i've been working on.